the issue of bad sex
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine gushed about a new guy, how much they had in common and how funny/outgoing/great he was... etc etc...
And after a recent breakup of hers that was particularly heartbreaking, I was happy for her instead of wanting to throw up a little in my mouth.
Let's fastforward to a few weeks later.
Now their honeymoon stage is over, and they seem to be over as well. I haven't talked to her extensively about it, but the problem seems to be that "bad sex ruined everything".
I wonder what she could mean by "bad sex". Was it awkward/uncomfortable/did he come faster than a 15 year old? Was it boring? Did have sex like a jackrabbit?
I don't know. But I am very curious.
No matter what Canada's favorite grandma says about good sex and communication, I think that sometimes bad sex is unsolvable - my guess is that it is somewhat like just not getting along with someone without any particular reason. If there is no sexual chemistry, what do you do? Try again? what if you fail? Avoid sex and then break up because things are awkward?
I believe that having sex can either bring you closer to someone, it can also reveal the superficial nature of your relationship and make you realise that your relationship is probably going no where (but is the sex is atleast ok, why not just keep at it until it dies naturally?) and it can also "ruin everything". Ok, so sex can do many many more things than that, but I am generalising for the hell of it...
Although I have not had much "bad" sex (maybe thanks to never having sex with strangers either), I recognise it as a red flag. For me, it's mostly a sign of the beginnings of an emotional detachment between the two people concerned. But what if you just don't "fit" with someone? I guess that is almost more frustrating and hurtful than not finding someone you "click" with emotionally.
Then again, sex is bad for different people for various reasons. Maybe an fetish fiend thinks vanilla sex is bad (or more likely unfulfilling). Whatever the reason, it must be frustrating.
posted by Mlle C @ 11:58 AM
5 Comments:
hahahahaha... oh babe, we SO need to talk.
Or you could ignore Canada's favorite smutty grandma and listen to what her mother would have said: Don't do it until you're married, and even then it's a small part of a lifetime relationship. In other words, stop obsessing about it until you grow up, and if you have a problem then, work it out.
I'm certain that the above comment is a joke from someone, but in the small chance that it isn't....
response to 'a friend's mum':
I'm not obsessing about anything, just commenting on the possibility of what bad sex is and what it reveals about a relationship.
Also, I think that a great-grandmother's advice that you mentioned might be sweet, but is now outdated. Even my own grandmother doesn't believe that people of my generation should practice abstinence - as she told me once 'as long as you use a condom, that's ok with me'. My grandmother's approval doesn't mark her as a revolutionary or promoting promiscuous behaviour, but as a realist.
I think that saying that sex is merely a small part of a lifetime relationship, fails to recognise the role that it plays. Right, you might not have sex everyday for your 55 year union. But if you view sex as being a part of your physical and intimate relationship with a long term partner, then it is undeniably important. I think that your sexual relationship (just like your emotional ties) with your partner should be kept in check and reviewed from time to time. Isn't it sacred to consume a marriage? Oh, and where do babies come from again? What do mommy and daddy have to do to make babies? hmm...
By sexual, I don't mean the act of having sex... our perferred forms of sexual intimacy may change over time but I view it as an integral part of any lasting partnership.
And I think that if the emotional side of your marriage/long term relationship is suffering that it is likely that there will be tellings signs of that as well in the bedroom.
It's man's nature to want to reenter the womb. I just wanted to throw that one out there - ruin the vibe.
av
alykhan, if I ever come across the video of a man entering a woman's vagina with his head -i'll send that to you.
cherry
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