I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine on Friday night (actually while doing our stage makeup for dance show) where we confessed to each other our preoccupation with death...
It seems such a taboo for people our age. We will talk about sex so explicitly that that the mystery is taken out of it and yet... no one dare speak of death, be it theirs or anyone's they know.

Ever since I was young, it is something I have thought about, it's implications, it's presence in our lives and the unavoidable nature of our own deaths. I think I've thought more about death than love. Only because I thought love to be even more frightening than death. And yet, it seems like both are unavoidable. I don't think about death because I want to die, just because I have known so many people who have... or so it seems, there always seems to be someone else dying that I know of. And I've been to more frunerals than marriages...

And in thinking about death, I think a lot about time.. yes, it seems I am always late - but strangely I never mean to be... and yet, even if I cherish time I seem to waste a lot of it.



on a completely different note...
I've been avoiding relationships for a while now. They didn't seem worth the time and effort.
Recently I've been feeling the desire for a new one.. not that I know anyone that I want to be with, I just think if I meet the right person I wouldn't brush them off as I have for quite some time - in the past year I've done all that is possible to keep all my "liasons" as casual as possible.
I don't know if I'm sick of the casualness or I've just forgotten about the negative aspects of relationships.